What To Do When You Can't Get An Erection

Any man who loses his erection during sex may think he has lost his self-respect and his manhood. Being able to get an erection and enjoy sex really is a man's most important sexual asset, so developing an erection problem can have a profound impact. In short, having an erection is, to most men, a a major part of being a man.

But here's the irony - some sex therapists believe the major cause of losing one's erection is anxiety cased by losing one's erection! In other words, if some problem has occurred that causes a man to lose his erection during sexual intercourse, or not being able to get erect in the first place, he becomes anxious about it recurring so much and then he finds he really can't get erect again.

The somewhat surprising fact is that it's not so unusual for a penis to play up once in a while. This can happen for many reasons: you might not want sex; you might be aware of the possibility that another person will hear you making love; maybe something went wrong the last time you tried to make love; or it could even be that you were simply too tired. Whatever the cause, you may have seen your erectile failure as a major event that called into question your whole sense of masculinity.

Unless you are emotionally secure enough to accept that these things happen occasionally, your self-doubt may get worse, and your erection may be ever more unreliable.

As time goes by, an erection problem tends to get worse. This downward spiral of fear and failure to perform reinforces itself and may well produce a situation where you shy away from sex for fear of what may go wrong. And, just to make matters even more challenging, a man who is struggling with erection problems will often find he begins to experience other problems like premature ejaculation.

Of course some men are more prone to this negative thinking than others. A a perfectionist, or a man who thinks he has to perform in bed at all costs, or a man who is very goal-oriented, is probably going to see this much more personally than a man who is less controlled. And such a man will probably think of himself as a man with a sexual problem - he will define himself as an impotent man.

Let tell you now, if you're in this position, that some things that are unlikely to help your penis regain its virility, including the following: looking for a new sexual partner; looking at porn or enjoying wild fantasies or acting them out; making love insensitively (e.g. penetrating your partner as soon as it's hard and ejaculating as fast as you can); and even giving up sex completely.

But the great news is that you don't have to avoid sex just because you have an erection problem! All you have to do is find the right treatment to restore your erection.
First of all, remember that getting hard is primarily a reaction to physical stimulation (though of course it can also be a reaction to emotional stimulation, particularly in younger men). If you devote too much time thinking about sex, anticipating intercourse, and worrying about what may happen next, you can lose connection with your body and its capacity to be physically aroused. You need to be in the moment when you're having sex, both physically and mentally.

Second, get a medical check-up for illness. Erection failure can be the result of: diabetes, hormone problems, stress, depression, anxiety, and many drugs, and various other medical problems. All of them can stop you getting erect even if you are sexually aroused.

The classic sign of a physical problem is the complete absence of any erections even during the night. But this is somewhat ambiguous. What would you conclude if you get a partial erection when you masturbate?. Unless you are completely sure of your erectile capacity, the best way to clear up physical issues is to go and see a specialist doctor, one who knows how to treat erection problems.

Third, deal with any deep-rooted psychological issues. If, for example, you were sexually abused during childhood by a woman, you won't have a good emotional relationship with a woman. The way to deal with this problem is to get some high quality psychotherapy. If you think you might have homosexual urges, or a fear of closeness, find a therapist who can help you grow to be physically or emotionally close to another human being.

Just because you're male doesn't mean you have to be able to have sex with any woman who fancies you. Your penis shows you the truth! What this means is that when you have the chance to have sex with a woman who isn't sexually appealing to you, you can say "thanks but no thanks" and still regard yourself as a man! And, should you try having sex anyway and you suffer erectile failure, it means you should be more choosy about your sexual partners!

What's more, you don't have to be man who takes all women to bed or loses his self-respect. A good example of this kind of male thinking is that some men believe they have to be in charge at all times during lovemaking. In which case, they may lose their erection for seemingly trivial reasons: for example, they aren't able to easily penetrate their partner. Instead of asking their lover to direct their penis in, they just continue thrusting blindly, hoping to find the vagina. These guys need to loosen up and remember it takes two to have sex!

And finally, you may be one of those men who needs to be in a relationship to have sex and enjoy it. If you are, don't attempt to have sex with any available woman!

Other things to consider which may help you deal with erectile dysfunction: men over thirty may need physical stimulation of their penis to get an erection; men can make love with a semi-hard penis; erections come and go during lovemaking; men often lose their erection when enjoying fellatio or putting on a condom; men don't always want sex; it's OK to say "no" to a sexual partner; you may not get an erection if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together.

The best way to deal with erection problems is to use a treatment program which avoids you having to go and see a doctor or therapist in person. There is a good self-help program at http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com

Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist with http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com.