A Better Relationship With Your Money: It’s not just about positive thinking!

A better relationship with your money? In this time of recession, many people are struggling financially and are trying to stay afloat amidst a gloomy economy. In the Daily Herald this past Thursday, it was reported that most members of the middle class say they are worse off financially than they were 5 years ago. The people we see at The Lighthouse are no exception, as all of us at the center have been hearing stories of increasing debt and downsized positions. It can be very difficult to remain optimistic in the face of this growing pressure, and it times like these that challenge our internal beliefs the most.
The concept of “poverty consciousness” is not a new one, as authors like Robert Kiyosaki, have spoken about it in depth. This concept of “thinking poor”, lacking a better relationship with personal finances, and then ultimately manifesting a lack of prosperity as a result of your thoughts, has also been explored in books such as The Secret under the heading of “the power of attraction”. These concepts are fairly easy to understand when a person isn’t going through a financial struggle, but extremely difficult to use as a life preserver when times are tough. Why is this so?

Our brains, for simplicity’s sake, are divided into the two functions of thought and emotions, and our daily struggle is to maintain balance between the two. Our thoughts exist to help us rationalize and process our environment, as well as to “think ahead” and plan for our future. Our emotions exist for the sole purpose of signaling that something is happening in the present and that action is needed. We can have reflective or projected emotions about our past or future, however our emotions best serve us in the here and now. Our emotions do such a great job of helping us attend to the present, that if the situation were intense, our emotions would override our thoughts and initiate action before we even had a thought about it. The best example of this is when your child puts a fake spider on your chair and you end up jumping higher and faster than you ever have before! Your fear response took action before your thoughts could process what was happening.

In regards to a better relationship with money and the concept of poverty consciousness, our thinking brain can understand that if we panic about money, any financial decision we make will be influenced by this emotion, and we could end up making decisions that are not in our best interest. However, as you can see, it is still our emotion, the state of panic and worry, that ends up influencing our behavior. We can have a thought about it, but it is still our emotion that wins in the end. You can also imagine that if the financial situation is dismal, our emotional response to this crisis would be very intense, thus bypassing our thoughts altogether.

When dealing with stressful financial events, the implication is that we need some type of “emotional disruption”, a “pause button” if you will, in order to give us time for our thoughts to catch up and add some rationality to the mix. It is only then, that we would be able to implement thoughts of a better relationship, empowerment, hope and encouragement. These consistent thoughts would eventually change the emotional reactions we have to financial crises, and create an overall “cognitive-emotive prosperity”. It would only be then, with the united efforts of the thinking brain and the emotional brain, that change would occur.

So, how does a person create an “emotional disruption” when freaking out about the phone calls from creditors, and the notices in the mail? There are many different techniques that could be used to create an emotional disruption, such as using a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it when in emotional distress, or massaging your carotid artery, which would stimulate your vagus nerve and cause you to calm down. However, the best disruption technique, and one that you are most likely to use, is one that you create yourself. It must be a gesture or action that is out of the ordinary and will cause you to pause and shift gears. You must make sure that it will be something you do when you are emotionally upset, otherwise you will not be able to move beyond this first step.

How long does this entire process of creating cognitive-emotive prosperity take? Answering this question is, unfortunately not as easy as understanding the “why”. Think of it this way, if you made a decision to write with your non-dominant hand, how long would it take you to perfect your signature? Implementing an emotional disruption technique during an emotional crisis will be difficult to get used to, and although it will take time, it is entirely doable. There is one guarantee, however, if you do not start to change the negative pattern that has developed, you will continue to think, feel and act in the same way as you do now, and a better relationship with your money would be furthest from your reach.

Ray & Jean Kadkhodaian are the founders and creaters of the Emotional Wellness Vision. Their model provides a myriad of emotional wellness tools to help others create better and more fulfilling relationships. Through their revolutionary model, they have helped tremendous numbers of people enhance their relationship from 'good' to 'Great'. Their extraordinary report on 'Better Relationships' is availalbe for Free for a limited time. Click here to dowload the report as a free bonus. Better Relationship